From 乖 (Guai) to Authenticity: Balancing Cultural Expectations and Self-Expression

Growing up in an Asian household, I was always striving to be "乖" (guai).  If you are Chinese, you know the word, until recently I had always assumed it means good or well done but it was recently explained to me that it literally means "well-behaved" or "obedient." Every time I heard it from my parents or teachers, I felt this warm glow inside. It was like getting a gold star for being a good kid. 

Knowing what I now know, it brought a new perspective to my upbringing, I was getting a gold star for being obedient. But here's the thing: when I stepped into the professional world, I realised this deep-rooted need to be 乖 was both a blessing and a curse. Sure, it helped me navigate social norms and build some great relationships. But it also held me back from being my true self.

I remember sitting in meetings, biting my tongue to avoid disagreements. I'd take on extra work just to please my boss, and I'd hesitate to pitch new ideas that might ruffle feathers. On the surface, I was the perfect 乖 employee. But inside? I started to question the value of the gold stars.

Maybe you're feeling something similar. Stuck, frustrated, or even angry at yourself for not acting towards your dreams. Trust me, I've been there.

The good news? There's a way out. It's about finding a balance between the positive aspects of 乖 and being yourself. Here's how you can start:

1. 乖: Embracing Both Tradition and Authenticity

• Old 乖: Always agreeing, avoiding conflict, putting others' needs first.

• New 乖: Being reliable and respectful, AND true to yourself.

Try this: In your next team meeting, respectfully express a different opinion or new idea. Notice how it feels to contribute authentically while still being professional.

2. Building Internal Validation: Shifting from External Approval to Self-Worth

• We 乖 kids often rely too much on others' approval. But here's the secret: your own values and goals matter just as much.

Try this: At the end of each week, reflect on your accomplishments. Pick one thing that made you proud, even if nobody else noticed it. Celebrate that win!

3. Open Communication: Strengthening Relationships Through Honest Dialogue

• Clear, honest communication builds stronger relationships. It might feel scary at first, but it's worth it.

Try this: Next time you're asked to take on a new project, really think about your current workload and goals. If it doesn't fit, practice saying "no" politely but firmly. Explain your reasoning - you might be surprised at how understanding people can be.

4. Embracing Discomfort: Growth Through Challenging Boundaries

• Growth often happens when we're a little uncomfortable. It's like exercising a muscle - it might hurt a bit, but that's how we get stronger.

Try this: Volunteer for a project or role that stretches your abilities. Maybe it requires you to be more visible or assertive than you're used to. It's okay to feel nervous - that's a sign you're growing!

5. Finding Supportive Environments for Authentic Self-Expression

• Surround yourself with people who appreciate the real you. It reinforces your journey towards authenticity.

Try this: Have a chat with your manager about your desire to contribute more authentically. Discuss how your unique perspectives can benefit the team and organisation.

Embracing Your Authentic Self: A Modern Approach to 乖

Remember, the goal isn't to completely ditch the concept of 乖. It's about evolving it. The new 乖 is about being true to yourself while still being respectful, reliable, and considerate of others. It's finding that sweet spot between harmony and self-expression, between meeting expectations and pursuing personal growth.

As you start this journey from traditional 乖 to authentic self-expression, be patient with yourself. Change takes time, and there might be moments when you feel uncertain or uncomfortable. That's okay. With each step towards authenticity, you'll likely find yourself feeling more confident, creative, and fulfilled in your work life.

You've been 乖 for so long, and it has served you well in many ways. Now, it's time to be yourself – your most authentic, empowered, and still respectful self. This is the new 乖, and it's your key to unlocking your full potential in both your personal and professional life.

Culturally Aware Coaching: Balancing 乖 with Self-Expression

The journey from traditional 乖 to authentic self-expression can be challenging, especially when balancing cultural expectations with personal growth. This is where working with a culturally aware coach can make all the difference.

As someone who has walked this path myself, I understand the unique challenges faced by individuals striving to Honor their cultural heritage while embracing their authentic selves in the professional world. My coaching practice is designed to provide:

1. Cultural Sensitivity: We'll explore your journey within the context of your cultural background, ensuring that strategies respect your values and traditions.

2. Tailored Strategies: Together, we'll develop approaches that help you balance 乖 with authenticity in ways that feel true to you.

3. Safe Space for Exploration: Our sessions provide a judgment-free zone where you can freely express your thoughts, fears, and aspirations.

4. Practical Skills Development: Learn effective techniques for assertive communication, boundary-setting, and self-advocacy that align with your cultural context.

5. Ongoing Support: Regular sessions to keep you accountable and motivated as you navigate this transformative journey.

   
   

Remember, seeking support is not about rejecting your cultural values – it's about finding harmony between your heritage and your personal growth. As a coach who understands the nuances of navigating multiple cultural expectations, I'm here to support you every step of the way.

Are you ready to embark on this journey towards a more authentic, empowered you? Let's explore how we can work together to unlock your full potential while honouring your cultural roots.